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Sunday, April 7, 2013

Weekend Writing Warriors: Old Friends

Welcome to Weekend Writing Warriors. I'm continuing from the unnamed manuscript that I've been sharing with you. My hero and heroine have been captured by terrorists in the Amazon and taken to a jungle compound. Rafel is the leader of the bad guys.  He is talking to my hero.


Rafael’s head inclined toward him.  He pulled a cell phone from his pocket.  “I thought perhaps you would like to hear my conversation with your father.”

“You know my father?  That doesn’t seem likely.”

“Oh, I know him.  We are old friends.”  Rafael showed his teeth in what might have passed for a smile if you didn’t look closely.
 
Find more lovely sentences here.
Photo: © Elena_volkova | Dreamstime Stock Photos & Stock Free Images

37 comments:

Kylie Scott said...

What a situation to be in. Be very interested to see how you get them out of it.

gemma parkes said...

Love that last line! Great snippet.

Elaine Smith said...

Danger, tension, and suspense all in eight sentences! I loved it. I have to worry about his safety, that is not a good place to be.

Jenna said...

Somehow I don't think it's a good thing that Rafael knows his dad. Loved that last line!

Evelyn Jules said...

There is never a shortage of surprises or adventure in this story! Great excerpt, Elaine!

Joanne Stewart said...

Ohhh, just when I thought he might have actually gotten out of this. Nice twist, Elaine. Great snippet!

charmainegordon author said...

Wow! You've portrayed a sinister character in Raphael. Good eight.

Lauren said...

Great 8! I love how you built up the tension!

S. J. Maylee said...

Completely chilling.

patrickoscheen said...

Great eight!

Shannyn Schroeder said...

Love the description of his smile. It would make me nervous

Veronica Scott said...

Thereby raising MANY more questions for us - well done! This is a story that just won't let go...terrific snippet.

Owllady said...

ohh that can't be good! I think there's some head games coming, should be interesting :D

Ute Carbone said...

I don't like the Raphael guy one little bit. Nice 8, Elaine!

sue said...

Great smile but curious who his father is

Sarah W said...

Uh-oh. Not good.

I mean, great snippet, but . . . Not good.

ellaquinnauthor said...

Sounds like your hero is caught in a vendetta. Great 8. Tweeted.

Summer Ross said...

LOL- love that 'if you didn't look closely.' Nice touch.
~Summer
My 8

Jennifer Gravely said...

Love the tension. Needs a name...

Isabella Leigh said...

Begs the question: does Raphael really know his father?And if so, what does that mean for them? Very interesting.

Sue Ann Bowling said...

For "friends" read "enemies?" And I will give the captcha ONE try, then I'm out.

Clare Davidson said...

"Old friends" sounds ominous, especially coupled with that hideous smile! Looks like they're still in a LOT of trouble.

Susan Stuckey said...

Nice #8 - last sentence is a real hook. Well done - looking forward to seeing how you get them out of this.

frankmfisher.net said...

Old friends? I'm interested to know how good of friends they were. Nice 8!

katewyland.com said...

Ooh, doesn't sound good. Intriguing snippet.

The Belle in Blue said...

This really amps up the intrigue. Have to wonder how the father plays into all of it. Great snippet!

~Joyce Scarbrough

Aheila said...

There's a lot of tension under this kind-of-friendly-but-really-not conversation. The smile wraps it up nicely!

Frank C. Etier said...

"showed his teeth"
...doesn't sound like a smile to me.
Nice 8!

J.Rose Allister said...

Uh oh, no good will come of this! And that wicked smile at the end...ack! Great tension there. :)

Red Wing citizen said...

I'm left with the feeling that the phone conversation may bring real torture.

johnvanvlietauthor said...

The 'so-called' smile intrigues me. Nice 8. :)

The Original Drama Mama said...

I think the fact the villain knows the father means some backstory is going to slap us in the face at some point ;)

Siobhan Muir said...

Yeah, I don't doubt is more like a threat grimace. Great snippet, Elaine. :)

History Sleuth said...

Love that last line. I've been following this one and it is getting very interesting. What did dear old dad say I wonder???

J.M. Blackman said...

Fantastic set-up and wonderful snippet. You've got my attention. I agree with another commenter--the last line is fabulous.

Teresa Cypher said...

Nice twist! And what a cliffhanger! :-) Great eight :-)

Heather Boyd said...

Ok, that's really not good. Great imagery in the scene. Thanks for sharing