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Sunday, April 7, 2013

Weekend Writing Warriors: Old Friends

Welcome to Weekend Writing Warriors. I'm continuing from the unnamed manuscript that I've been sharing with you. My hero and heroine have been captured by terrorists in the Amazon and taken to a jungle compound. Rafel is the leader of the bad guys.  He is talking to my hero.


Rafael’s head inclined toward him.  He pulled a cell phone from his pocket.  “I thought perhaps you would like to hear my conversation with your father.”

“You know my father?  That doesn’t seem likely.”

“Oh, I know him.  We are old friends.”  Rafael showed his teeth in what might have passed for a smile if you didn’t look closely.
 
Find more lovely sentences here.
Photo: © Elena_volkova | Dreamstime Stock Photos & Stock Free Images

37 comments:

  1. What a situation to be in. Be very interested to see how you get them out of it.

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  2. Love that last line! Great snippet.

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  3. Danger, tension, and suspense all in eight sentences! I loved it. I have to worry about his safety, that is not a good place to be.

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  4. Somehow I don't think it's a good thing that Rafael knows his dad. Loved that last line!

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  5. There is never a shortage of surprises or adventure in this story! Great excerpt, Elaine!

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  6. Ohhh, just when I thought he might have actually gotten out of this. Nice twist, Elaine. Great snippet!

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  7. Wow! You've portrayed a sinister character in Raphael. Good eight.

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  8. Great 8! I love how you built up the tension!

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  9. Love the description of his smile. It would make me nervous

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  10. Thereby raising MANY more questions for us - well done! This is a story that just won't let go...terrific snippet.

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  11. ohh that can't be good! I think there's some head games coming, should be interesting :D

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  12. I don't like the Raphael guy one little bit. Nice 8, Elaine!

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  13. Great smile but curious who his father is

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  14. Uh-oh. Not good.

    I mean, great snippet, but . . . Not good.

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  15. Sounds like your hero is caught in a vendetta. Great 8. Tweeted.

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  16. LOL- love that 'if you didn't look closely.' Nice touch.
    ~Summer
    My 8

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  17. Love the tension. Needs a name...

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  18. Begs the question: does Raphael really know his father?And if so, what does that mean for them? Very interesting.

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  19. For "friends" read "enemies?" And I will give the captcha ONE try, then I'm out.

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  20. "Old friends" sounds ominous, especially coupled with that hideous smile! Looks like they're still in a LOT of trouble.

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  21. Nice #8 - last sentence is a real hook. Well done - looking forward to seeing how you get them out of this.

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  22. Old friends? I'm interested to know how good of friends they were. Nice 8!

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  23. Ooh, doesn't sound good. Intriguing snippet.

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  24. This really amps up the intrigue. Have to wonder how the father plays into all of it. Great snippet!

    ~Joyce Scarbrough

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  25. There's a lot of tension under this kind-of-friendly-but-really-not conversation. The smile wraps it up nicely!

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  26. "showed his teeth"
    ...doesn't sound like a smile to me.
    Nice 8!

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  27. Uh oh, no good will come of this! And that wicked smile at the end...ack! Great tension there. :)

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  28. I'm left with the feeling that the phone conversation may bring real torture.

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  29. The 'so-called' smile intrigues me. Nice 8. :)

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  30. I think the fact the villain knows the father means some backstory is going to slap us in the face at some point ;)

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  31. Yeah, I don't doubt is more like a threat grimace. Great snippet, Elaine. :)

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  32. Love that last line. I've been following this one and it is getting very interesting. What did dear old dad say I wonder???

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  33. Fantastic set-up and wonderful snippet. You've got my attention. I agree with another commenter--the last line is fabulous.

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  34. Nice twist! And what a cliffhanger! :-) Great eight :-)

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  35. Ok, that's really not good. Great imagery in the scene. Thanks for sharing

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