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Saturday, May 10, 2014

Snippet Sunday and Weekend Writing Warriors

Welcome to Snippet Sunday and Weekend Writing Warriors. My excerpt today is from my current WIP and begins where I left off last Sunday with my hero having some bad news to share with his wife. Totally unedited so if you see something I should fix, let me know. Judge Landers is his father.

Drawing a deep breath, he stepped away from her, hoping he hadn’t squeezed her too hard.  “Let’s go upstairs to talk.”
She laughed, the sweet, ringing sound full of the joy they’d always taken in each other. He bit his lip so hard he tasted blood. It was then that he noticed the silence in the room. His parents and both of his sons were staring at him as if he were a stranger who’d barged his way into their living room, a man that they halfway feared.
Judge Landers cleared his throat. “Did you have a good trip?”

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14 comments:

Patricia Kiyono said...

I'm wondering about the bad news. But I'm also curious about that phrase, "a man they halfway feared." Is he someone who rules his home with an iron fist? Or were you referring to their expressions of surprise?

Elaine Cantrell said...

They saw that something was wrong because he wasn't acting like he usually does. ILl work on that part to make it clear.

Sarah W said...

Patricia asked the one question I had, and you answered it, so I'll just say that the anticipation over his news is killing me, Elaine!

Charmaine Gordon said...

Something is not quite right here., Elaine. She's joyous whens eeing him again yet in another room when he enters, sons and parents see something different. Maybe clarify. You have our interest.

Teresa Cypher said...

Uh oh...this snippet feels ominous, like he isn't the only one with bad news to tell?? Great job of delivering tension, Elaine. :-)

Botanist said...

Hmmm, I know he has something to say, but from your description it sounds like they know something about him, too!

gemma parkes said...

I wonder what's happened? You painted a vivid scene and i can't wait to see where this is going!

Sue Ann Bowling said...

Sounds as if the news he has has somehow changed him.

alexisduranblog.com said...

Very intense and really leaves me wondering - in a good way. Nice snippet.

Veronica Scott said...

Highly intriguing and can't wait to find out more. Terrific snippet!

Karysa Faire said...

I really like this snippet--she's happy to see him, he's clearly very sad/tense about news he has to give her, his family knows (?) something is wrong. It actually brought a tear to me eye.

caitlinsternwrites said...

Definitely an intriguing snippet. Makes me wonder why the rest of them are staring at him like that--what do they see that he and she don't?

William Kendall said...

Very intriguing...makes me wonder what the story behind it is.

P.T.Wyant said...

Great scene. I take it he didn't notice the other people when he came in? I am intrigued by what it is that he has to tell her...