Sunday, April 7, 2013

Weekend Writing Warriors: Old Friends

Welcome to Weekend Writing Warriors. I'm continuing from the unnamed manuscript that I've been sharing with you. My hero and heroine have been captured by terrorists in the Amazon and taken to a jungle compound. Rafel is the leader of the bad guys.  He is talking to my hero.


Rafael’s head inclined toward him.  He pulled a cell phone from his pocket.  “I thought perhaps you would like to hear my conversation with your father.”

“You know my father?  That doesn’t seem likely.”

“Oh, I know him.  We are old friends.”  Rafael showed his teeth in what might have passed for a smile if you didn’t look closely.
 
Find more lovely sentences here.
Photo: © Elena_volkova | Dreamstime Stock Photos & Stock Free Images
at

37 comments:

  1. Kylie ScottApril 7, 2013 at 1:24 AM

    What a situation to be in. Be very interested to see how you get them out of it.

    ReplyDelete
  2. gemma parkesApril 7, 2013 at 5:00 AM

    Love that last line! Great snippet.

    ReplyDelete
  3. UnknownApril 7, 2013 at 5:22 AM

    Danger, tension, and suspense all in eight sentences! I loved it. I have to worry about his safety, that is not a good place to be.

    ReplyDelete
  4. JennaApril 7, 2013 at 9:08 AM

    Somehow I don't think it's a good thing that Rafael knows his dad. Loved that last line!

    ReplyDelete
  5. UnknownApril 7, 2013 at 9:09 AM

    There is never a shortage of surprises or adventure in this story! Great excerpt, Elaine!

    ReplyDelete
  6. Joanne StewartApril 7, 2013 at 9:11 AM

    Ohhh, just when I thought he might have actually gotten out of this. Nice twist, Elaine. Great snippet!

    ReplyDelete
  7. AnonymousApril 7, 2013 at 9:14 AM

    Wow! You've portrayed a sinister character in Raphael. Good eight.

    ReplyDelete
  8. LaurenApril 7, 2013 at 9:42 AM

    Great 8! I love how you built up the tension!

    ReplyDelete
  9. S.J. MayleeApril 7, 2013 at 9:42 AM

    Completely chilling.

    ReplyDelete
  10. AnonymousApril 7, 2013 at 10:46 AM

    Great eight!

    ReplyDelete
  11. Shannyn SchroederApril 7, 2013 at 10:48 AM

    Love the description of his smile. It would make me nervous

    ReplyDelete
  12. Veronica ScottApril 7, 2013 at 11:13 AM

    Thereby raising MANY more questions for us - well done! This is a story that just won't let go...terrific snippet.

    ReplyDelete
  13. OwlladyApril 7, 2013 at 11:36 AM

    ohh that can't be good! I think there's some head games coming, should be interesting :D

    ReplyDelete
  14. UnknownApril 7, 2013 at 11:44 AM

    I don't like the Raphael guy one little bit. Nice 8, Elaine!

    ReplyDelete
  15. sueApril 7, 2013 at 12:33 PM

    Great smile but curious who his father is

    ReplyDelete
  16. Sarah WApril 7, 2013 at 1:13 PM

    Uh-oh. Not good.

    I mean, great snippet, but . . . Not good.

    ReplyDelete
  17. AnonymousApril 7, 2013 at 1:21 PM

    Sounds like your hero is caught in a vendetta. Great 8. Tweeted.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Summer RossApril 7, 2013 at 1:30 PM

    LOL- love that 'if you didn't look closely.' Nice touch.
    ~Summer
    My 8

    ReplyDelete
  19. AnonymousApril 7, 2013 at 1:55 PM

    Love the tension. Needs a name...

    ReplyDelete
  20. UnknownApril 7, 2013 at 2:21 PM

    Begs the question: does Raphael really know his father?And if so, what does that mean for them? Very interesting.

    ReplyDelete
  21. Sue Ann BowlingApril 7, 2013 at 2:29 PM

    For "friends" read "enemies?" And I will give the captcha ONE try, then I'm out.

    ReplyDelete
  22. Clare DavidsonApril 7, 2013 at 3:15 PM

    "Old friends" sounds ominous, especially coupled with that hideous smile! Looks like they're still in a LOT of trouble.

    ReplyDelete
  23. Susan StuckeyApril 7, 2013 at 4:41 PM

    Nice #8 - last sentence is a real hook. Well done - looking forward to seeing how you get them out of this.

    ReplyDelete
  24. AnonymousApril 7, 2013 at 4:51 PM

    Old friends? I'm interested to know how good of friends they were. Nice 8!

    ReplyDelete
  25. AnonymousApril 7, 2013 at 4:55 PM

    Ooh, doesn't sound good. Intriguing snippet.

    ReplyDelete
  26. The Belle in BlueApril 7, 2013 at 5:03 PM

    This really amps up the intrigue. Have to wonder how the father plays into all of it. Great snippet!

    ~Joyce Scarbrough

    ReplyDelete
  27. AheilaApril 7, 2013 at 5:37 PM

    There's a lot of tension under this kind-of-friendly-but-really-not conversation. The smile wraps it up nicely!

    ReplyDelete
  28. FCEtierApril 7, 2013 at 7:34 PM

    "showed his teeth"
    ...doesn't sound like a smile to me.
    Nice 8!

    ReplyDelete
  29. JApril 7, 2013 at 7:51 PM

    Uh oh, no good will come of this! And that wicked smile at the end...ack! Great tension there. :)

    ReplyDelete
  30. Red Wing citizenApril 7, 2013 at 9:06 PM

    I'm left with the feeling that the phone conversation may bring real torture.

    ReplyDelete
  31. AnonymousApril 7, 2013 at 9:52 PM

    The 'so-called' smile intrigues me. Nice 8. :)

    ReplyDelete
  32. MelonieApril 7, 2013 at 10:19 PM

    I think the fact the villain knows the father means some backstory is going to slap us in the face at some point ;)

    ReplyDelete
  33. Siobhan MuirApril 7, 2013 at 10:22 PM

    Yeah, I don't doubt is more like a threat grimace. Great snippet, Elaine. :)

    ReplyDelete
  34. HistorySleuthApril 8, 2013 at 1:00 AM

    Love that last line. I've been following this one and it is getting very interesting. What did dear old dad say I wonder???

    ReplyDelete
  35. J.M. BlackmanApril 8, 2013 at 7:30 PM

    Fantastic set-up and wonderful snippet. You've got my attention. I agree with another commenter--the last line is fabulous.

    ReplyDelete
  36. Teresa CypherApril 8, 2013 at 8:08 PM

    Nice twist! And what a cliffhanger! :-) Great eight :-)

    ReplyDelete
  37. Heather BoydApril 9, 2013 at 4:57 AM

    Ok, that's really not good. Great imagery in the scene. Thanks for sharing

    ReplyDelete