My excerpt today is from my current WIP. It's totally unedited and has no name. If you see anything give a holler. We're picking up about where we left off last Sunday. Rhett has just told his wife Alex that he had an affair with another woman, and she had his child. I punctuated strangely so I could use more text. In the places where I have a semicolon, I really have periods.
She blinked. A
small line appeared between her eyebrows as she processed his unbelievable
answer. “I’m sorry, but I must have misheard you; who did you say he is?”
He set his
jaw. “You heard me; I’m the boy’s father.”
“Oh.” For a moment no one moved or spoke, but her
eyes cut to his face, and she scrambled to her feet with none of the grace he’d
always loved about her. She was breathing way too fast.
If you have time I'd love for you to scroll down and see yesterday's post.
Great tension in this scene. Wonderful writing.
ReplyDeleteI like that piece. Well done
ReplyDeleteFantastic build-up of tension -- nicely done!
ReplyDeleteI like your use of physical response rather than just saying she was upset.
ReplyDeleteKudos!
And...
ReplyDeleteI don't believe I saw a single adverb in there.
Another KUDO!
Well written excerpt, i love your descriptions of her response.
ReplyDeleteGreat tension. I was on the edge of my seat. There's a lot of unspoken emotion here.
ReplyDeleteSmiles
Steph
I feel so sorry for both of them. As everyone else has said, wonderful tension in the excerpt! Great 8...
ReplyDeleteOh, her world is falling apart...you've made me feel sad for her.
ReplyDeleteYou'd think that's something he would've mentioned sooner...Great snippet!
ReplyDeleteI don't know if I'd hyperventilate, but the anger would make it hard for me to breathe. Great snippet, Elaine.
ReplyDeleteUh-oh! The fuze is lit, now wait for the explosion!
ReplyDeleteVery nicely done. A great example of how less can be more.
ReplyDeleteYikes. Love your show of her emotion. Well written snippet.
ReplyDeleteWonderful tension. One point: wouldn't a pair of lines have appeared between her eyebrows?
ReplyDeleteThat's definably not a casual conversation. Good job at showing the tension it would create.
ReplyDeleteWhat a wonderful 8! I cannot imagine the pain she must be feeling now. What a devastating blow that must be to find your entire world has been turned upside down.
ReplyDeleteWow, the tension is this snippet is awesome. I so want to know what she'll do to him next. :-)
ReplyDeleteNicely done. You capture the moment perfectly.
ReplyDeleteOh yes, laying that info down would certainly be shocking. I like the wife's reaction, it is so authentic sounding.
ReplyDeleteMy first thought was-how would I react to news like that. Your story unfolds beautifully. I'm breathless thinking of what comes next. Good job, Elaine.
ReplyDeleteWhat a tense scene, Elaine! And you've written it so well. :-)
ReplyDeleteI didn't post today. Just out and about checking out other posts. Have a great week.
I was wondering how she was going to take the news... Apparently, not well.
ReplyDelete