Welcome to Snippet Sunday and Weekend Writing Warriors. This excerpt skips a few sentences from where I left off last week. My hero has told my heroine that he had an affair and now has a child. I've done lots of creative punctuation to get text in. It's totally unedited so tell me if you see anything.
She was
shaking now, her face paper-white. “Excuse me,” she whispered and headed toward
the door, but she couldn’t leave yet; not until she heard it all. “There’s
more.”
She froze and
looked so stiff he feared she’d shatter if he touched her. “The woman died of
cancer three weeks ago, and since her parents are too old to keep the boy, they called
me to see if I wanted him.”
Horror washed
over her face. She knew what he was going to say. “I can’t let my son be
adopted by strangers; I’m going back to Washington on Thursday to pick him up.
“
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http://www.wewriwa.com
I think that if I was his wife I'd be wondering just how much of a one night stand this was... Great emotion in this!
ReplyDeleteSuch devastating news! I can just imagine the gamut of emotion that's flooding through her. Sorry I haven't been here lately to keep up with the story, but it sure held my interest.
ReplyDeleteShe's the main heroine?
ReplyDeleteI think they both have a long way to go before this relationship is fixed!
(Hooray! I can finally see your anti-spam codes! :D )
I'm with both of them, hurting as each new revelation widens the chasm between them. Fantastic eight!
ReplyDeleteOh, this is tough for both of them. Good snippet, Elaine.
ReplyDeleteOh my. Such a huge emotional blow and you handled the impact well. The shock and horror and deep pain.
ReplyDeleteQuite the intense situation and I admire him, for not abandoning his son. I do understand her reactions though - really an excellent excerpt!
ReplyDelete"There's more" - how much more can there be? Seems like one bombshell after another, this will be tough to get over!
ReplyDeleteJust one minor suggestion, I think "There's more" should be on a new line. It's a different speaker from the start of the paragraph.
Wow! The gamut of emotions for each of them is amazing. They have a lot to work through and now a little boy will be in the middle of it all. Great 8.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the tip, Botanist.
ReplyDeleteThe crux of the matter is finally revealed. I love this story and I'm eager to see it unfold.
ReplyDeleteWow! Some really great, vivid emotions. I can feel, from both of them. Great 8 :)
ReplyDeleteI think he's trying to be responsible, but I sure wonder what kind of stepmother she'll make.
ReplyDeleteVictoria Davenport, I can't find your sentences if you did them. I'm so sorry.
ReplyDeleteOh goodness, I hope she lets him be good to his child. It's not the child's fault. Very tough situation here...
ReplyDeleteI realize it's a bad situation and she's shell shocked, but she's got to give him credit for trying to do the right thing.
ReplyDeleteGreat snippet, can't wait to find out where you take this story.
Wow. Just, wow.
ReplyDeleteYou definitely bring the immediacy of the problem out... Very effective scene.
ReplyDeleteWow, great scene, Elaine. I like the emotional turmoil. I'm with him. And I'm curious to learn why she'd not be able to accept the boy and love him. Children never have a say in who their parents are. Wonderful premise!
ReplyDelete