Saturday, August 2, 2014

Snippet Sunday and Weekend Writing Warriors

Welcome to Snippet Sunday and Weekend Writing Warriors. My excerpt today comes from my currently unnamed WIP. In this snippet we see the first meeting between my hero and the woman he had an affair with. He's at a Washington party and sees a woman who looks very much like his wife, Alex. It's unedited, so if you see a problem give a yell.

“So that’s Danielle Frost.”
Danielle Frost was one of the most dynamic lobbyists Washington had ever seen. If she had a cause, she usually got the results she wanted.

She turned around and caught him staring at her. A Mona Lisa type smile curved her lips as she blatantly checked him out. He felt a jolt to his gut. Alex sometimes smiled that way. “I’ve got to meet Ms. Frost,” he said. “Excuse me, Tom.”

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 Picture: By Financial Times (Patrón cocktail bar) [CC-BY-2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0)], via Wikimedia Commons
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20 comments:

  1. UnknownAugust 2, 2014 at 10:28 PM

    I love the "Mona Lisa" smile -- great detail!

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  2. P.T.WyantAugust 3, 2014 at 12:51 AM

    That blatant stare makes me wonder just exactly HOW she gets the results she wants...

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  3. Teresa CypherAugust 3, 2014 at 1:43 AM

    Well that's an interesting twist. Not that it makes the act forgivable, but it's more understandable...maybe. :-) I like the "Mona Lisa" smile, too. :-)

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  4. LindaAugust 3, 2014 at 9:23 AM

    I'm with Paula on this one, how does she get her result?
    But on the other hand he can feel the danger already so why is he heading straight at it?

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  5. FCEtierAugust 3, 2014 at 9:29 AM

    A powerful woman can send a jolt to anyone's stomach.
    Well done!

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  6. gemma parkesAugust 3, 2014 at 9:43 AM

    Nice excerpt, she's an enigmatic character!

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  7. Charmaine GordonAugust 3, 2014 at 10:48 AM

    "Across a crowded room." Loves his wife but oh look at this woman. Terrific well written eight.

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  8. Veronica ScottAugust 3, 2014 at 11:04 AM

    I can sure see why he wants to meet her right away! Excellent excerpt!

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  9. Elyzabeth M. VaLeyAugust 3, 2014 at 11:45 AM

    I like the Mona Lisa smile too. I wonder how she gets her results and if she'll be pleased by him approaching her.

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  10. Catch My WordsAugust 3, 2014 at 12:30 PM

    Great intro to Ms. Frost. I especially like the Mona Lisa smile. Instead of saying he "felt" a jolt in his gut, I'd reword the sentence and get rid of the word "felt." A jolt --strong action verb --- to his gut causing . . .
    Great draft.

    http://joycelansky.blogspot.com

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  11. S.J. MayleeAugust 3, 2014 at 12:48 PM

    It is great detail and this part of the story makes me queasy. You sure are making me feel something with these snippets.

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  12. Sue Ann BowlingAugust 3, 2014 at 1:45 PM

    Sounds like the first attraction was the resemblance to his wife.

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  13. Siobhan MuirAugust 3, 2014 at 2:22 PM

    So the sharks meet the wolves? Great snippet, Elaine. :)

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  14. Sarah WAugust 3, 2014 at 2:59 PM

    I still don't think infidelity is excusable, but I can see why she made it easy for him.

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  15. AnonymousAugust 3, 2014 at 5:35 PM

    Interesting how she reminds him of his wife.

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  16. Gem SivadAugust 3, 2014 at 9:08 PM

    Intriguing twist her looking like his wife.

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  17. Stephanie ScottAugust 3, 2014 at 10:39 PM

    I could feel the tension in this piece. I love the detail, and can see the draw for the hero to this woman. Great snippet!

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  18. JTsuruokaAugust 4, 2014 at 12:17 AM

    Very nice... Easy to visualize & understand. We've all been busted looking before. ;)

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  19. UnknownAugust 4, 2014 at 1:52 AM

    She's gonna be a handful.

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  20. Karen Michelle NuttAugust 4, 2014 at 1:54 AM

    Great descriptions. Enjoyed the intro!

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