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In this excerpt, my heroine has found a bottle of pain killer stolen from her clinic in the bathroom of the man she's fallen in love with. He's an ex-convict who works for her. This is her answer to the problem. This isn't edited so if you see anything give a yell.
A
single sob burst from her throat. “Why didn’t you tell me you needed money? I
would gladly have helped you. Or did you want it for yourself?” She hugged her middle
and rocked back and forth. “You’re fired.”
Springing
from the toilet, she darted back into the bedroom where she dressed in record
time. As she strode past him, Caleb grabbed her arm.
Sounds like 'fired' is a great way to solve this, but I have a hunch it isn't going to be that easy. I definitely want to know what he has to say.
ReplyDeleteI bet she's going to have a hard time firing him. ;-)
ReplyDeleteHe has to have a good reason...I hope! Great emotion in this snippet, Elaine. :-)
ReplyDeleteMethinks she's seriously jumping the gun, here, though I certainly understand why!
ReplyDeleteStill think he was framed, though. :)
If he did do it, whatever the reason, I hope she stands by her decision. Good snippet, Elaine.
ReplyDeleteTrouble now and ahead in this most interesting story. Good snippet.
ReplyDeleteHappy New Year, my friend.
You have just really hooked me into this story. I can't wait to see what happens next.
ReplyDeleteFiring someone is easier said than done, though it's possible she's jumping to a conclusion and he didn't do it.
ReplyDeleteSo sad, though. There is no good way out of this. :( Great writing.
ReplyDeleteHappy New Year!
Oh, I hope there's a good explanation or redeeming circumstance here! Really a vivid scene, felt the emotions coming right off the page at me. Terrific snippet!
ReplyDeletePoor baby. Her feeling betrayed comes right off the page. Great snippet!
ReplyDeleteThis was really good.
ReplyDeleteThe only thing I would say is to leave off the "you're fired" part. It makes it seem like their relationship was more business and less personal. Maybe it can be brought up later in the conversation (I'm guessing he's going to try to defend himself and fight for her), but it seems a little jarring and out of place.
Also, did he say he needed it for the money, or did she just assume that's what it was for? Forgive me if you mentioned that in the last posting, I haven't caught up on my back reading yet!
Otherwise, this is a great 8 and a good start to what sounds like a tension driven story!
happy New Year!
Intense moment. The only thing I see is that you might want to streamline her dialogue a little-- a little terser might work in a very tense situation like this. It's a very effective scene, though.
ReplyDeleteHope he's got a good reason. Still have a feeling things are not what they seem.
ReplyDeleteThe pain of the alleged betrayal is very vivid. Sure hope he has a valid excuse. Well done snippet.
ReplyDeleteHave a happy New Year.
I don't think it will be that easy. Great snippet!
ReplyDeleteOops, that's a breach in her trust in him. I wonder if his explanation will suffice.
ReplyDelete