http://www.wewriwa.com
https://www.facebook.com/groups/SnippetSunday/
I'm going to do one more excerpt from the book I've been sharing. It's called Flood, and if you're a regular visitor you know that my heroine suspects the man she loves of stealing pain killer from her clinic. After all the fireworks and the breaking up are over, she goes home, and he thinks about what he's lost. The whole area is about to have a flood which is why the ceiling of Caleb's rental house is leaking. I've done some creative punctuation for the sake of length.
Plink.
Plink. Plink; Caleb watched as the drops of water falling from the ceiling
bounced on the formica table top. Plink. Plink. Plink: the water had reached
the edge of the table now. Plink. Plink. Plink; it cascaded off the table into
the floor.
He’d
come so close to having it all, to having everything he had wanted since he was
old enough to know what he was missing. It didn’t seem like so much to ask,
just someone to love him and hold him when life hurt too much. To belong
somewhere, to have a feeling of homecoming and welcome at the end of the day.
Why was that too much?
What do you mean, "one more excerpt"! You can't quit now!
ReplyDeleteGreat snippet -- I love the water dripping. Does he even really notice it? (I know he's watching it, but is it registering at all?)
Oh it's not too much to ask. He definitely needs a hug.
ReplyDeleteThe water dripping would drive me crazy. lol But he was beyond caring. Great imagery.
I feel so bad for him. Almost had it all... But I'm hooked. I think he's going to get it back. :-) Is this on Amazon?
ReplyDeleteI think that each plink should be italicized, or did I recall that wrong? I'm pretty sure that words that imitate sounds are italicized.
If you put commas between the plinks, you easily stay in the 8 sentence range. :-)
Aw, no it's not too much to ask! I want to give him a big hug!
ReplyDeleteOh, Elaine, this is just heartbreaking!
ReplyDeleteHe must get her back! And to echo Teresa (sort of), where can we find the rest of this? We need to read it all!
I think Teresa is right about the word "plink". Good snippet, Elaine. :)
ReplyDeletePoor thing. I hope things work out soon.
ReplyDeleteI hope he gets what he wants. He sounds lonely and frightened. He sure needs a hug and someone to love him.
ReplyDeleteNice piece of introspection. The dripping is an effective image.
ReplyDeleteAww, poor guy. Definitely a hug is what the doctor needs to prescribe him.
ReplyDeleteThat's a really poignant snippet. I feel for him so much.
ReplyDeleteHooked. Can't wait to see if things work out.
ReplyDeleteAwww,I like him so much and the plinking rain was a perfect accompaniment to his thoughts...have really been enjoying this story. Another great 8! I want more :-)
ReplyDeleteLovely paragraph. Don't we all want a little bit of that?
ReplyDeleteIt's not too much to ask. Don't give up, Caleb! Fight for her!
ReplyDeleteAwe, very sad, but Caleb had better get on it!
ReplyDelete