Tales of a Mermaid Gone Over the Deep End

Tales of a Mermaid Gone Over the Deep End

by Teresa Fischtner 

 

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GENRE: Non-fiction (biography/autobiography)

 

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BLURB:

 

Advance praise (payback) for Teresa Fischtner:

 

"Well, this is a little embarrassing. I didn't actually read the WHOLE book, but it's probably pretty good. I'm not sure what she said about me, but you should know—SHE shot me in the back on my 19th birthday!"

– Ronny Fischtner (author's son)

 

"I love my mom and I love MOST of this book. It should be noted that my bowling has improved, I've given up hockey, accounting is for nerds, pancakes is food for super heroes and no one needs to count how many boyfriends I've had."

– Malyn Fischtner (author's daughter)

 

"I'm pleased to be the source of so much humour for my wife. I just wish she didn't feel the need to publish it."

– Ron Fischtner (author's husband)

 

"It was the last class of the evening that I was teaching, and we were doing our stretches, and at the surface of the water I noticed a single floating nipple happily bobbing away on its own. Unsure if its owner was still in the water, I quietly asked the nearest lady, "Excuse me, could you just pass me that nipple over your right shoulder?

 

"There I held a lovely C-cup breast that went rogue. I made posters for the lost breast (seriously, I made missing boob posters). No one claimed her. I introduced her to all the instructors, but no one recognized her (honestly, they all look the same after a few years at the pool). No one ever claimed Betty (yes, we gave her a name). Betty stayed on the teachers' table in our special little box for a long time. Eventually, like all good boobs, she wrinkled up, lost her bounce, and sagged lower and lower in the box until we all forgot how much fun she was when we first found her."

 

This is a feel-good book of true short stories about me, my family, friends, and my aquafit business, Over the Deep End. We all have stories to share, and the true ones are always the best. I'm sharing some of my most vulnerable moments, some of my greatest moments, and some of my saddest. Hopefully, in one story or another, you find something way better than me—you might find you. We all have a story and a different way to tell it. I hope telling my stories helps you tell some of your own.

 

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EXCERPT:

 

 

We often do circuits in the pool; there are stations set up all along the parameter of the pool, each with a different exercise to be done. Everyone is at a different spot, and they do one minute of each exercise and then move to the next station. There is always chatter during circuit classes; there is no instructor to talk over, so it’s a good time for small talk in the pool. I noticed everyone was avoiding one lady. They weren’t talking to her, and some were even turning their backs to her to avoid eye contact. She was at the back wall of the pool, so I couldn’t see her face to see if she had noticed the cold shoulder her classmates were giving her. As soon as she turned the corner to face me, I saw the problem: one nipple took jump squats up a notch and jumped out of her suit! Ugh, this was going to be awkward, and I had to get to her before she got to the steps. The step circuit is in the shallow end, and you have to go up and down the first step as quickly as possible. You are only in waist-high water and bouncing. Both her girls needed to be strapped back in before that station. I made eye contact with her and gestured to her bathing suit strap.

 

She smiled and waved back.

 

I crouched down and, as quietly as possible, said, “Your bathing suit needs adjusting.”

 

She smiled and laughed back; she couldn’t hear me over the music. I tried charades. I physically tucked my own boob into my sports bra. At this, she really laughed, and to be honest, I do some weird shit on deck, and that move wasn’t entirely out of character for me. It was time for her to go to the step; there was no way she wouldn’t notice the inequality of her bounce at that station. Damn! That nipple bounced through a full minute on the step. It was mocking both of us, and at this point, everyone in the pool was pulling up their own straps and looking at me with an expression of “Do something about this, now!”

 

I stopped her after the step and said, “Hey, your boob is out.”

 

She looked down and was the only one in the room to be surprised by what she saw. I talked to her after class and sympathetically said, “Hey, shit happens—it’s just a boob.” I don’t think she felt the same. She quit classes shortly after that.

 

The pool is kept at eighty-eight degrees, and the room is always hot and humid. Getting dressed out of a wet bathing suit in a hot, humid change room can burn as many calories as the aqua fit class. We run through the winter, so dashing home in a towel isn’t always an option. However, wearing a bra is completely optional! Bras are the hardest part of getting dressed, and everyone starts classes with dignity and proper attire, but as they exhaust themselves and get more comfortable, the bra is the first to go. I know a new customer will become a long-term customer when she comes jiggling out of the change room saying, “To hell with my bra, I’m going home like this!”

 

In the words of the great late Helen Reddy, “I am woman hear me roar.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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AUTHOR Bio and Links:

 

Teresa Fischtner is an "aqua entrepreneur." After 25 years working in accounting, she changed careers and started teaching aquafit at her family pool. Customers come to "Over the Deep End" for full body workouts in deep water and they leave with a sense of community and friendship that Teresa has created, and all her mermaids and mermen continue to nurture.

 

This is Teresa's first book; she writes from her heart with honesty and humour. Comments and kindness always welcome at teresa@overthedeepend.ca.

 

 

Connect with Teresa Fischtner

 

WEBSITE https://www.overthedeepend.ca/ 

 

FACEBOOK https://www.facebook.com/Over-The-Deep-End-535033316645038 

 

INSTAGRAM https://www.instagram.com/overthedeependfitness/ 

 

GOODREADS https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/21918424.Teresa_Fischtner

 

Get your copy of Tales of a Mermaid Gone Over The Deep End                 

 

AMAZON.COM https://amazon.com/dp/0228863007 

 

AMAZON.CA https://amazon.ca/dp/0228863007 

 

BOOKSHOP https://bookshop.org/books/tales-of-a-mermaid-gone-over-the-deep-end/9780228863007

 

INDIGO CHAPTERS https://www.chapters.indigo.ca/en-ca/books/tales-of-a-mermaid-gone/9780228863014-item.html

 

BARNES & NOBLE https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/tales-of-a-mermaid-gone-over-the-deep-end-teresa-fischtner/1140326424

 

BOOK DEPOSITORY https://www.bookdepository.com/Tales-of-Mermaid-Gone-Over-The-Deep-End-Teresa-Fischtner/9780228863007

 

SMASHWORDS https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/1108469

 

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GIVEAWAY INFORMATION

 

Teresa Fischtner will be awarding a $15 Amazon or B/N GC to a randomly drawn winner via rafflecopter during the tour.

 

a Rafflecopter giveaway