Hope. Dreams. Life... Love: The Light in the Darkness: Musings on Living With Cancer

The Light in the Darkness:

Musings on Living With Cancer

by Jo St Leon

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GENRE: BODY, MIND & SPIRIT / Inspiration & Personal Growth

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BLURB:

The Light in the Darkness is a must-have companion for anyone living with a serious illness, or caring for a loved one with such an illness.

With this collection of reflections and personal essays, Jo St Leon shares her experiences, her darkest moments and her greatest joys. She tells of the journey from fear and denial to acceptance and a determination to live her best life. She shares her deepest thoughts and feelings, always with her characteristic blend of wry humour and wisdom.

The Light in the Darkness is the book Jo wishes she could have found when she first received her cancer diagnosis.

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EXCERPTS (Please choose only ONE to use with your post):

Excerpt One:

I was diagnosed with Sézary syndrome (a rare blood cancer) in 2016. It is notoriously difficult to diagnose, and at that point I estimated that I had had it for about 11 years. At least, that was when the itch began.

I was living in London and had a touring job: as principal viola with English National Ballet I spent four or five months each year on the road. I imagined little piles of skin and blood on bedlinen all over the country as I manically scratched night after night with no idea what ailed me. Once, the itch gave me two days respite, and I spent hours wondering what could have changed and how I could repeat that blissful itchless experience. I experimented with everything, but, of course, nothing worked. You cannot cure cancer by changing your washing powder.

I left London late in 2006 and returned to Australia to live in Hobart. Eventually, I took my itch to the doctor. She told me to take antihistamines. When I went back to tell her they didn’t work, she advised me to take more. I finally begged her for a referral to a dermatologist. Reluctantly, she agreed. I think her private opinion was that I was making a fuss about nothing, but she couldn’t say so. The dermatologist was not much more helpful, so I just carried on scratching.

Eventually, my feet and ankles became twice their rightful size and were covered in unsightly sores. Unable to wear shoes and desperate for answers, I changed my GP. He ordered blood tests for everything, and eventually Sézary was diagnosed. I didn’t much like the diagnosis, but it was good to know what it was.

It was also good to finally be taken seriously and not treated as an irritating hypochondriac who was taking valuable treatment time away from people who were actually sick. I now had a whole team of doctors who treated my comfort as a priority. They even respected me for managing to carry on working with the Tasmanian Symphony Orchestra (TSO) despite a constant itch that seemed to go right through to the bone. Respect—imagine!

A Word With the Author

Did you always want to be an author?

Yes and no. As a child I used to dream that I would one day write a book, and I used to absolutely believe that would happen. But my family—particularly my father—thought otherwise. He was determined that I should become a musician. Not just any musician, of course—he was obsessed with fame, and being the best. As he hadn’t achieved either of those things, it became my job; he intended to achieve vicarious fame through his daughter.

Surprise! He didn’t. But after a brief period of soul-searching, when I toyed with the idea of journalism and a literary life, I headed to London and for 30 years lived the frenetic life of an orchestral musician. It was what was expected of me, and on the whole I’m glad I did it. There was a lot of fun and some unforgettable peak experiences.

Now, I am one of those rare and privileged people who gets to live out their alternative life. After 45 years, I’m going back to that fork in the road and taking the other path.

Tell us about the publication of your first book.

I’m a very impatient person, so I didn’t want to spend months, or even years, schlepping my book around to traditional publishers. I also was not into endless online research trying to separate the truth from the lies and the genuine from the fake. Luckily, I had a friend who had done all that research before me. I listened to his advice and then ignored it. Well, not all of it—he had some great pointers about what to look for. In the end, I went with my gut. I chose Tellwell because I liked my first point of contact there. He listened to me, always rang when he said he would, and built a real relationship with me, after only a couple of phone calls.

I was thrilled with the whole process. I was consulted every step of the way, their responses were speedy and it was a speedy and un-stressful process. Most importantly—I love the quality of the finished product. I will definitely go with Tellwell again for my next book.

Besides yourself, who is your favourite author in the genre you write for?

There are a few answers to that. Virginia Woolf—her essays, not her fiction—for her voice. She beguiles, she bewitches, with such unmistakable individuality. I love the endless creativity she can bring to nonfiction, and the sheer beauty of her prose. Roxanne Gay, for her courage, her honesty, and her ability to write for change. Closer to home, Helen Garner, for her view of the world and her ability to tread that elusive fine line that is the border between fact and fiction.

Is it a coincidence that these three authors are women? Probably not. They are my role models. However much I may admire men who write creative nonfiction—and I do—I can’t emulate them. My voice, and the way I use words, is profoundly feminine. As is my experience of the world.

What’s the best part of being an author? The worst?

I love being able to work in my pajamas till lunchtime. And that feeling when the first copies arrive at my front door. Mostly, though, I just love the process of writing. It’s transformative in so many ways. I find I never actually know what I think about something until I’ve written about it.

There isn’t much that I don’t like about my writing life, but I guess the worst thing for me is the fear that people might think I’ve written a load of rubbish. There’s a lot of self-disclosure in my work, so a dislike of my writing feels very much like a rejection of my self. That fear of not being good enough, or likeable enough, is never far away.

What are you working on now?

My next book is completely different. It’s working title is Conversations with Robin Wilson. Robin is one of Australia’s foremost violin pedagogues, and he has an astonishing number of truly outstanding students. I was rehearsing with the Tasmanian Symphony Orchestra one day as one of his students played the Sibelius Violin Concerto. How does he (Robin) do it? I wondered. Somebody should write a book about him. Oh! Maybe I should do that…

I’m loving the whole process—the conversations themselves have to be mostly on Zoom at the moment, because of Covid, but they’re endlessly fascinating. I also enjoy the transcribing, having Robin in my living room for hours at a time. Then there’s quite a bit of to and fro—we’ve got it down to a fine art. I’m serialising some of it in an online Classical Music mag called CutCommon, so I’m getting some great editing and feedback from readers along the way. It’s an absorbing project, and good to get out of my own head for a bit.

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AUTHOR Bio and Links:

Jo St Leon is a musician and writer living in Hobart, Tasmania. Receiving a cancer diagnosis in 2016 prompted her to transition from being a full-time musician who loved to write to being a full-time writer who loves to sometimes play the viola. She shares her house with two very pampered felines. She loves reading, cooking, swimming and yoga.

Connect with Jo St. Leon

WEBSITE https://jostleon.com/

FACEBOOK https://www.facebook.com/Jo-St-Leon-Writer-2194393090779883

LINKEDIN https://www.linkedin.com/in/jo-st-Leon-351001211/

GOODREADS https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/59571484-the-light-in-the-darkness

Buy The Light in the Darkness

AMAZON.COM https://amazon.com/dp/0228860806

AMAZON AUS https://amazon.com.au/dp/0228860806

AMAZON.CA https://amazon.ca/dp/0228860806

INDIGO CHAPTERS https://www.chapters.indigo.ca/en-ca/books/the-light-in-the-darkness/9780228860822-item.html

BARNES & NOBLE https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/the-light-in-the-darkness-jo-st-leon/1140053696

BOOK DEPOSITORY https://www.bookdepository.com/The-Light-in-the-Darkness-Jo-St-Leon-Garth-ORafferty-Gemma-Black/9780228860808