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My excerpt today comes from a just finished WIP that I've been sharing excerpts from. My heroine just found a bottle of pain killer stolen from her clinic in her lover's bathroom. He just happens to work for her. It's unedited so if you see something give a holler. I used a bit of creative punctuation too so I could get the length I want.
His
face was calm; it revealed nothing of what he might be feeling. “I’m
disappointed in you, Aria. I thought you believed in me so I gave you my heart,
and now you’re going to break it for me.” His façade slipped, and she saw naked
pain on his face. “I didn’t break into the clinic, but I have an idea who did.”
“Oh, right!
Blame it on someone else. Some mysterious, shadowy figure that no one
ever sees or knows; I’ve seen movies with that plot! ”
He's disappointed in her? I kinda think that she's feeling more than disappointed in him at the moment.
ReplyDeleteGreat suspense. Makes you wonder if there is someone else involved.
ReplyDeleteThis phrase, " and now you’re going to break it for me." would be more blunt if you left off the two words at the end.
ReplyDeleteReaders will likely expect a strong reaction from her, more than just a reference to movie plots.
Well done!
I wonder who did it then?! Great way to leave us hanging. Can't wait till next week.
ReplyDeleteHe's probably got to do a lot to prove he's not the one who took the pills, even if she still loves him.
ReplyDeleteI really, really hope he's not lying. I really, really hope it's that other guy, the "nice" one.
ReplyDeleteBut it's totally understandable that she doesn't believe him.
Frank is so right. The scene needs a stronger reaction from her as he tries to wheedle his way out by lying. You know how to fix it. You write so well.
ReplyDeleteI think I'm probably one of the only people who hopes he DID do it. But maybe that's because I've been binge watching House on Netflix most of the Christmas break. Addicts are addicts, no matter how much you might love them. But I doubt you're heading that direction, so c'est la vie.
ReplyDeleteGreat snippet! Really enjoyed it! :-)
Great snippet! I feel for him.
ReplyDeleteHe's disappointed in her because his history suggests his actions? Typical. But if it is a setup, it's easy to believe. Good snippet, Elaine. :)
ReplyDeleteAw, I don't like him jumping to conclusions! Grr, you have captured this scene really well.
ReplyDeleteI think she is trying to remove herself from the scene by referring to fictional movie plots, I think his "hurt" is actually getting through to her. I don't know if he is being sincere or just a good actor. Great way to keep a reader coming back for answers.
ReplyDeleteMakes me think he's telling the truth and there is someone else. Can't want to find out.
ReplyDeleteThis is a big deal in a relationship. If she's not disappointed in him, I am. Great writing!
ReplyDeleteYou've got me wondering who it was now... Nicely written scene!
ReplyDeleteI trust him! No idea why, I just do....I'm enjoying the story and I hope I'm right about this guy but for sure I'm going to enjoy the process of finding out. Great snippet!
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