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If you've been following these excerpts from the book I just finished, you know that my heroine just found some stolen drugs in her boyfriend's medicine cabinet. (She's a vet, and he works for her.) He denies knowledge of it but says he thinks he knows who did it. She doesn't believe him. I've done creative punctuation to get the length right. My heroine speaks first.
“Take
your hands off me; I’m going home.”
The
pain on his face was like a living thing. She could almost feel it racing
through her own veins, devouring and ruining everything it touched. He held out
his hand. "Don’t lose faith in me now. Believe me; believe in me. Don’t
you know I’d never hurt you?”
Sorrow
and anger nipped and raged at Aria.
Trust need to be earn so he'd better do something about it instead of begging.
ReplyDeleteI really love this line:
ReplyDeleteShe could almost feel it racing through her own veins, devouring and ruining everything it touched.
I'm with Paula---that's a great line, Elaine!
ReplyDeleteThis is a romance, so I logically know this is reparable, but I'm still crossing my fingers that she doesn't say anything that will end this for good.
Very well done! :)
Great job of writing this scene, Elaine. Emotions, action, conflict...it drew me in!
ReplyDeleteI like his plea and I think he's going to have to work at it. And she has to have a little faith. Great snippet, Elaine.
ReplyDeleteYou've written it all in eight short sentences. Beautiful and heartbreaking, Elaine.
ReplyDeleteExcellent snippet of emotion and doubt.
ReplyDeleteWas there something in the past that makes her doubt him?
ReplyDeleteI hope he's telling the truth, and that they can figure this out together.
This looks bad. I hope he has proof.
ReplyDeleteRough stuff & you deliver it well.
ReplyDeleteTo trust or not to trust? When drugs are part of the question, I'm afraid I have to say, "no" is the answer.
ReplyDeleteMy favorite line,"The pain on his face was like a living thing."
ReplyDeleteIt just occurred to me that if you switch it from a simile to a metaphor, it becomes, "The pain on his face was alive. And like all living things, it can be deceptive...or whatever way you want to take it.
Anyway, great line!
I adore the analogy of the pain being a living thing - that makes it so palpable for the reader. I really feel for him pleading for her trust. Nice job.
ReplyDeleteI can see why she's having a hard time believing in what he's trying to tell her. A very painful moment for them both but I'm intrigued as to what will happen next. Great 8!
ReplyDeleteSo much emotions in so little words. Loved it.
ReplyDeleteHope she'll give him a chance!
Loved the last line. So much emotion. Great 8, can't wait to find out what she does next. But uh, maybe he should pony up the info, just saying.
ReplyDelete