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Saturday, May 31, 2014

Snippet Sunday and Weekend Writing Warriors

Welcome to Snippet Sunday and Weekend Writing Warriors. This is your chance to discover new authors who just may become one of your favorites. After you finish here, you can go to http://www.wewriwa.com and https://www.facebook.com/groups/SnippetSunday/

My excerpt today is from my current WIP. It's totally unedited and has no name. If you see anything give a holler. We're picking up about where we left off last Sunday. Rhett has just told his wife Alex that he had an affair with another woman, and she had his child. I punctuated strangely so I could use more text. In the places where I have a semicolon, I really have periods.

She blinked. A small line appeared between her eyebrows as she processed his unbelievable answer. “I’m sorry, but I must have misheard you; who did you say he is?”
He set his jaw. “You heard me; I’m the boy’s father.”

“Oh.”  For a moment no one moved or spoke, but her eyes cut to his face, and she scrambled to her feet with none of the grace he’d always loved about her. She was breathing way too fast.

If you have time I'd love for you to scroll down and see yesterday's post.

23 comments:

Gem Sivad said...

Great tension in this scene. Wonderful writing.

K Meador said...

I like that piece. Well done

Daezarkian13 said...

Fantastic build-up of tension -- nicely done!

Frank C. Etier said...

I like your use of physical response rather than just saying she was upset.
Kudos!

Frank C. Etier said...

And...
I don't believe I saw a single adverb in there.
Another KUDO!

gemma parkes said...

Well written excerpt, i love your descriptions of her response.

Stephanie Burkhart said...

Great tension. I was on the edge of my seat. There's a lot of unspoken emotion here.

Smiles
Steph

Veronica Scott said...

I feel so sorry for both of them. As everyone else has said, wonderful tension in the excerpt! Great 8...

Millie Burns said...

Oh, her world is falling apart...you've made me feel sad for her.

ED Martin said...

You'd think that's something he would've mentioned sooner...Great snippet!

Siobhan Muir said...

I don't know if I'd hyperventilate, but the anger would make it hard for me to breathe. Great snippet, Elaine.

Botanist said...

Uh-oh! The fuze is lit, now wait for the explosion!

alexisduranblog.com said...

Very nicely done. A great example of how less can be more.

S.J. Maylee said...

Yikes. Love your show of her emotion. Well written snippet.

Sue Ann Bowling said...

Wonderful tension. One point: wouldn't a pair of lines have appeared between her eyebrows?

Taryn Tyler said...

That's definably not a casual conversation. Good job at showing the tension it would create.

Chelle Ramsey said...

What a wonderful 8! I cannot imagine the pain she must be feeling now. What a devastating blow that must be to find your entire world has been turned upside down.

SherryGLoag said...

Wow, the tension is this snippet is awesome. I so want to know what she'll do to him next. :-)

JTsuruoka said...

Nicely done. You capture the moment perfectly.

Chelle Cordero said...

Oh yes, laying that info down would certainly be shocking. I like the wife's reaction, it is so authentic sounding.

Charmaine Gordon said...

My first thought was-how would I react to news like that. Your story unfolds beautifully. I'm breathless thinking of what comes next. Good job, Elaine.

Teresa Cypher said...

What a tense scene, Elaine! And you've written it so well. :-)

I didn't post today. Just out and about checking out other posts. Have a great week.

PT said...

I was wondering how she was going to take the news... Apparently, not well.