Doctor How and the Illegal Aliens
by Mark
Speed
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
BLURB:
Doctor
How’s famous megalomaniac brother Doctor Who sold his fictional life story to
the BBC half a century ago, painting himself as a lone hero. Disillusioned,
their four cousins dropped out. For fifty years, Doctor How has held the line
against the forces of darkness and stupidity. And he’s not that happy, since
you ask.
Illegal
aliens try to hack How’s Spectrel (TARDIS is a very rude word where he comes
from), just as he suspects his estranged cousin Where has been compromised.
When reports come in of mysterious attacks by alien creatures, Doctor How has
to rely on his new companion Kevin, a petty criminal from south London, and
Trinity, a morphing super-predator, as he counters this threat to humanity’s
existence. Bungling agents from MI16, long desperate to capture the Time
Keeper’s technology, hamper How’s efforts to combat the alien menace. Can
Doctor How keep ahead of MI16, save Where and combat the alien threat?
EXCERPT:
“So is that
your –”
“No it’s not
my TARDIS, Kevin!” hissed Doctor How. “That’s a misnomer.”
“A?”
“A misnomer.”
Kevin looked at him blankly. “It means wrong name. It’s a misnomer put out by
the BBC. TARDIS is actually a very rude word in my native language and nearly
one in yours if you changed the ‘a’ for a ‘u’. A certain someone who will
remain nameless thought it would be terribly amusing. According to the BBC,
TARDIS is supposed to mean Time And Relative Dimension In Space.” The Doctor
was now ranting wildly. “Can you believe the sheer gall of these people? Like
they actually know, like they understand how the physics works?” The Doctor
glared at Kevin, who shook his head.
“Let me tell
you what it’s like. It’s like a troop of monkeys – and I mean monkeys, like
baboons; not chimpanzees, not even apes – coming up to your very sophisticated
saloon car with individual climate-control for each passenger, and a hi-fi
system that would fool a bat. As you drive your state-of-the-art car through a
safari park this troop of purple-bottomed baboons comes up to your car and
calls it “Oog”. And then – and then – then they have the cheek to first of all
capitalise the entire thing, so it’s not Tardis, it’s T-A-R-D-I-S, just to
spell out the first letters of exactly what these monkeys think the physics is
that they can’t even begin to comprehend. And after that they march down to
another baboon who calls himself a lawyer and they register it as a trademark.
So if I wanted to write my own biography, my autobiography, and I wanted the
boneheaded human reader to understand the concept by way of using the word
TARDIS, some baboon with a Technicolor™ bottom specialising in intellectual
property law could demand money with menaces through the good courts of baboon
society. And this,” spluttered the Doctor, “And all this after I saved your –
forgive my crude colloquialism here – after I have saved your sorry collective
Technicolor™ asses on more occasions than I can care to remember.”
Silence hung
in the air. The Doctor was breathing deeply.
“You has got
issues, innit?” said Kevin
AUTHOR Bio and Links:
Mark
Speed has been writing novels since he was fifteen. His comedy writing has
appeared in newspapers as diverse as the London Evening Standard and The Sun,
and been broadcast on BBC Radio 4 Extra. He performed his solo comedy, The End
of the World Show, at the Edinburgh Fringe in 2011 and 2012. He is currently
working on the five-volume Doctor How series.
Amongst
other postgraduate and professional qualifications, he has a Master’s degree in
Creative Writing from City University, London. In 1995 a chiropractor told him
he’d never run again. Sensibly, he gave up chiropractors, runs every day and
has completed several marathons and a couple of Olympic-length triathlons.
NLP
founder Dr Richard Bandler called him a ‘polarity responder’.
Links:
http://www.doctorhow.tv/
https://www.facebook.com/DoctorHow.tv
https://www.goodreads.com/MarkSpeed
Hi Everyone, thanks for hosting me today, and also to Goddess Fish for arranging everything.
ReplyDeleteStill following, still reading, still loving what I'm reading!
ReplyDeletekareninnc at gmail dot com
I'm glad to have you, Mark. Good luck with your book. It sounds great.
ReplyDeleteSounds like a good read.
ReplyDeleteKit3247(at)aol(dot)com
Good luck with the release!
ReplyDeletevitajex(At)Aol(Dot)com
Each time I read an excerpt I am excited and want to read the book.
ReplyDeleteHi Everyone, thanks for all your great comments today. Thanks for hosting me today, and thanks to Goddess Fish for arranging. It's the end of the day here in Londonland, so it's goodnight from me. :-)
ReplyDelete