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Sunday, April 7, 2013

Weekend Writing Warriors: Old Friends

Welcome to Weekend Writing Warriors. I'm continuing from the unnamed manuscript that I've been sharing with you. My hero and heroine have been captured by terrorists in the Amazon and taken to a jungle compound. Rafel is the leader of the bad guys.  He is talking to my hero.


Rafael’s head inclined toward him.  He pulled a cell phone from his pocket.  “I thought perhaps you would like to hear my conversation with your father.”

“You know my father?  That doesn’t seem likely.”

“Oh, I know him.  We are old friends.”  Rafael showed his teeth in what might have passed for a smile if you didn’t look closely.
 
Find more lovely sentences here.
Photo: © Elena_volkova | Dreamstime Stock Photos & Stock Free Images
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37 comments:

  1. Kylie ScottApril 7, 2013 at 1:24 AM

    What a situation to be in. Be very interested to see how you get them out of it.

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  2. gemma parkesApril 7, 2013 at 5:00 AM

    Love that last line! Great snippet.

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  3. UnknownApril 7, 2013 at 5:22 AM

    Danger, tension, and suspense all in eight sentences! I loved it. I have to worry about his safety, that is not a good place to be.

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  4. JennaApril 7, 2013 at 9:08 AM

    Somehow I don't think it's a good thing that Rafael knows his dad. Loved that last line!

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  5. UnknownApril 7, 2013 at 9:09 AM

    There is never a shortage of surprises or adventure in this story! Great excerpt, Elaine!

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  6. Joanne StewartApril 7, 2013 at 9:11 AM

    Ohhh, just when I thought he might have actually gotten out of this. Nice twist, Elaine. Great snippet!

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  7. AnonymousApril 7, 2013 at 9:14 AM

    Wow! You've portrayed a sinister character in Raphael. Good eight.

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  8. LaurenApril 7, 2013 at 9:42 AM

    Great 8! I love how you built up the tension!

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  9. S.J. MayleeApril 7, 2013 at 9:42 AM

    Completely chilling.

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  10. AnonymousApril 7, 2013 at 10:46 AM

    Great eight!

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  11. Shannyn SchroederApril 7, 2013 at 10:48 AM

    Love the description of his smile. It would make me nervous

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  12. Veronica ScottApril 7, 2013 at 11:13 AM

    Thereby raising MANY more questions for us - well done! This is a story that just won't let go...terrific snippet.

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  13. OwlladyApril 7, 2013 at 11:36 AM

    ohh that can't be good! I think there's some head games coming, should be interesting :D

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  14. UnknownApril 7, 2013 at 11:44 AM

    I don't like the Raphael guy one little bit. Nice 8, Elaine!

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  15. sueApril 7, 2013 at 12:33 PM

    Great smile but curious who his father is

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  16. Sarah WApril 7, 2013 at 1:13 PM

    Uh-oh. Not good.

    I mean, great snippet, but . . . Not good.

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  17. AnonymousApril 7, 2013 at 1:21 PM

    Sounds like your hero is caught in a vendetta. Great 8. Tweeted.

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  18. Summer RossApril 7, 2013 at 1:30 PM

    LOL- love that 'if you didn't look closely.' Nice touch.
    ~Summer
    My 8

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  19. AnonymousApril 7, 2013 at 1:55 PM

    Love the tension. Needs a name...

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  20. UnknownApril 7, 2013 at 2:21 PM

    Begs the question: does Raphael really know his father?And if so, what does that mean for them? Very interesting.

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  21. Sue Ann BowlingApril 7, 2013 at 2:29 PM

    For "friends" read "enemies?" And I will give the captcha ONE try, then I'm out.

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  22. Clare DavidsonApril 7, 2013 at 3:15 PM

    "Old friends" sounds ominous, especially coupled with that hideous smile! Looks like they're still in a LOT of trouble.

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  23. Susan StuckeyApril 7, 2013 at 4:41 PM

    Nice #8 - last sentence is a real hook. Well done - looking forward to seeing how you get them out of this.

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  24. AnonymousApril 7, 2013 at 4:51 PM

    Old friends? I'm interested to know how good of friends they were. Nice 8!

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  25. AnonymousApril 7, 2013 at 4:55 PM

    Ooh, doesn't sound good. Intriguing snippet.

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  26. The Belle in BlueApril 7, 2013 at 5:03 PM

    This really amps up the intrigue. Have to wonder how the father plays into all of it. Great snippet!

    ~Joyce Scarbrough

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  27. AheilaApril 7, 2013 at 5:37 PM

    There's a lot of tension under this kind-of-friendly-but-really-not conversation. The smile wraps it up nicely!

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  28. FCEtierApril 7, 2013 at 7:34 PM

    "showed his teeth"
    ...doesn't sound like a smile to me.
    Nice 8!

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  29. JApril 7, 2013 at 7:51 PM

    Uh oh, no good will come of this! And that wicked smile at the end...ack! Great tension there. :)

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  30. Red Wing citizenApril 7, 2013 at 9:06 PM

    I'm left with the feeling that the phone conversation may bring real torture.

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  31. AnonymousApril 7, 2013 at 9:52 PM

    The 'so-called' smile intrigues me. Nice 8. :)

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  32. MelonieApril 7, 2013 at 10:19 PM

    I think the fact the villain knows the father means some backstory is going to slap us in the face at some point ;)

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  33. Siobhan MuirApril 7, 2013 at 10:22 PM

    Yeah, I don't doubt is more like a threat grimace. Great snippet, Elaine. :)

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  34. HistorySleuthApril 8, 2013 at 1:00 AM

    Love that last line. I've been following this one and it is getting very interesting. What did dear old dad say I wonder???

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  35. J.M. BlackmanApril 8, 2013 at 7:30 PM

    Fantastic set-up and wonderful snippet. You've got my attention. I agree with another commenter--the last line is fabulous.

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  36. Teresa CypherApril 8, 2013 at 8:08 PM

    Nice twist! And what a cliffhanger! :-) Great eight :-)

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  37. Heather BoydApril 9, 2013 at 4:57 AM

    Ok, that's really not good. Great imagery in the scene. Thanks for sharing

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