The burly,
one-eyed man stood over him, a nine millimeter pistol in his hand. He kicked at Phaedra’s knee to wake her.
She cried out as
David exclaimed, “Leave her alone!”
The man responded
by kicking David’s ribs again. This time
pain blossomed in his chest and almost stopped his breathing. He could only take small, shallow breaths
around the sharp, stabbing pain.
“David!” Phaedra
screamed. She scared a flock of parrots
who loudly squawked to each other and flew away.
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I love the bad guys description. Great world building.
ReplyDeleteInteresting. Want to see where this starts or where it's going...both preferably. lol
ReplyDeleteLike a tard, I forgot to post my 8 sentences on wewriwa. College is consuming my soul when I need to write instead!
Mean man, don't like him, but l'm enjoying your snippets and loved the parrot reference!
ReplyDeleteFab descriptive on the bad guy - burley one-eyed man. And screw the president. A girl gotta write what a girl gotta write.
ReplyDeleteYou've done a fantastic job with creating tension and structuring the sentences to keep the action pace fast and make me dying to know what happens next!
ReplyDeleteI agree with Kylie, great world building. Love the parrots.
ReplyDeleteOuch with the kicking. Super description and she rose to the occasion. Love it!
ReplyDeleteThat is a tense little scene, big on pain and pace. I loved the details that created such a rich and vibrant world.
ReplyDeleteI loved the descriptions in this snippet. I felt like I was right there with the characters. You gave a visual, and supplied the sounds, too. Great job. I'm scared for the two. And I'm sure I don't like their captor.
ReplyDeleteExcellent, fast-paced snippet. Great local color detail with the parrots. Can't wait for next week!
ReplyDeleteAn all around terrific snippet to advance the story (and keep us intrigued LOL). I feel for poor David with those ribs! I too loved the parrots...excellent excerpt!
ReplyDeleteOoohhh great imagery! I loved the parrots!!!!
ReplyDeleteUgh! God I hope they get away from this situation soon.
ReplyDeleteI could picture all this easily. I like that the bad guy didn't even bother to say anything, just kicked people -makes him badder :D
ReplyDeleteTruly frightening. I'm going to worry about them all week. :)
ReplyDeleteI hope they get out alive. (And I will give captchas ONE try. If I can't read them, you don't get my comment.)
ReplyDeleteThe parrots are a nice touch.
ReplyDeleteLove the burly one-eyed man and the flock of parrots, perfect touch
ReplyDeleteThis is truly not going to end well, is it?
ReplyDeleteSounds like a story full of adventure--one of my favorite kinds of books. Great snippet!
ReplyDeleteI really like those parrots, Elaine. I can hear them!
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing this very interesting snippet.
ReplyDeleteEep, stuff just got real. Good snippet, Elaine. :)
ReplyDeleteAwesome and painful! Great tactile imagery!
ReplyDeleteWell, the fun never stops for these two! Another great excerpt! Nicely done, Elaine! :)
ReplyDeleteGreat stuff!
ReplyDeleteThat's one terrifying situation to be in. I hope they're able to get away from the bad guys.
ReplyDeleteThis is so good, Elaine. The descriptions are great. I love how having to face danger makes people pull together. You can see it with David and Phaedra. :-) Good 8 :-)
ReplyDeleteGreat description. I'm wondering how they're going to escape.
ReplyDelete