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Saturday, August 2, 2014

Snippet Sunday and Weekend Writing Warriors

Welcome to Snippet Sunday and Weekend Writing Warriors. My excerpt today comes from my currently unnamed WIP. In this snippet we see the first meeting between my hero and the woman he had an affair with. He's at a Washington party and sees a woman who looks very much like his wife, Alex. It's unedited, so if you see a problem give a yell.

“So that’s Danielle Frost.”
Danielle Frost was one of the most dynamic lobbyists Washington had ever seen. If she had a cause, she usually got the results she wanted.

She turned around and caught him staring at her. A Mona Lisa type smile curved her lips as she blatantly checked him out. He felt a jolt to his gut. Alex sometimes smiled that way. “I’ve got to meet Ms. Frost,” he said. “Excuse me, Tom.”

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Picture: By Financial Times (PatrĂ³n cocktail bar) [CC-BY-2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0)], via Wikimedia Commons

20 comments:

E.E. Giorgi said...

I love the "Mona Lisa" smile -- great detail!

P.T.Wyant said...

That blatant stare makes me wonder just exactly HOW she gets the results she wants...

Teresa Cypher said...

Well that's an interesting twist. Not that it makes the act forgivable, but it's more understandable...maybe. :-) I like the "Mona Lisa" smile, too. :-)

Linda said...

I'm with Paula on this one, how does she get her result?
But on the other hand he can feel the danger already so why is he heading straight at it?

Frank C. Etier said...

A powerful woman can send a jolt to anyone's stomach.
Well done!

gemma parkes said...

Nice excerpt, she's an enigmatic character!

Charmaine Gordon said...

"Across a crowded room." Loves his wife but oh look at this woman. Terrific well written eight.

Veronica Scott said...

I can sure see why he wants to meet her right away! Excellent excerpt!

Elyzabeth M. VaLey said...

I like the Mona Lisa smile too. I wonder how she gets her results and if she'll be pleased by him approaching her.

Joyce Lansky said...

Great intro to Ms. Frost. I especially like the Mona Lisa smile. Instead of saying he "felt" a jolt in his gut, I'd reword the sentence and get rid of the word "felt." A jolt --strong action verb --- to his gut causing . . .
Great draft.

http://joycelansky.blogspot.com

S.J. Maylee said...

It is great detail and this part of the story makes me queasy. You sure are making me feel something with these snippets.

Sue Ann Bowling said...

Sounds like the first attraction was the resemblance to his wife.

Siobhan Muir said...

So the sharks meet the wolves? Great snippet, Elaine. :)

Sarah W said...

I still don't think infidelity is excusable, but I can see why she made it easy for him.

tinachristopherauthor.com said...

Interesting how she reminds him of his wife.

Gem Sivad said...

Intriguing twist her looking like his wife.

Stephanie Scott said...

I could feel the tension in this piece. I love the detail, and can see the draw for the hero to this woman. Great snippet!

JTsuruoka said...

Very nice... Easy to visualize & understand. We've all been busted looking before. ;)

Millie Burns said...

She's gonna be a handful.

Karen Michelle Nutt said...

Great descriptions. Enjoyed the intro!